How to stress less.

99-SECOND READ

'You can do anything, but not everything.'

David Allen

Nearly everyone experiences stress; one of the biggest causes is other people.

Two of my clients wanted to discuss how to deal with a difficult colleague in the last week alone. Maybe there's someone you work with who stresses you out. They're usually a lethal combination of unhelpful, difficult, needy, critical, pedantic, opinionated or bad at communicating. Whether it's your boss, team member or a direct report - it makes your life hard work.

There are many ways of dealing with the stress that someone causes you (deep breaths, meditation, venting).

However, my favourite way of dealing with this is to change my attitudes, beliefs, and perspectives towards that person. Here's how it works.

Firstly, realise that most of your stress is created because you take this person's behaviour personally. So, realise that their behaviour is not about you, do not take it personally! This is a choice. Deploy what I call Compassionate Composure. Instead of thinking about that person in a negative way, apply as much empathy as you can.

Remember that all the previously mentioned traits that wind you up result from that person's insecurities and shortfalls. You don't know what they have been through or why they are the way they are. Whatever the reason, it has nothing to do with you and no matter how well you may think they are doing in life, it will be causing them problems. If you feel this way about them, there is a good chance many other people in their lives do. As my client reflected yesterday, "I could view them as their insecure inner child". Doing this creates less energy around the tension.

'When you show deep empathy towards others, their defence energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.' - Steven Covey

Although it may sound hard, and you may strongly resist this idea, it is a secret weapon. You will feel lighter. You will feel less hurt or frustrated and as a result, you'll be able to think more rationally, which will change how you react or behave towards that person. And gradually, over time, the dynamic may change.

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