Abolish the 'shouldn'ts'

99-SECOND READ

'When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.'

Roy E. Disney

You make thousands of decisions every day - most of them based on what should and shouldn't. Some of them are infamous:

- I shouldn't overeat chocolate

- I shouldn't go to bed too late

- I should save my money

Every one of these comes with perceived consequences when contradicted ('if's). They are practical consequences or judgments we associate with them

For example: If I do overeat chocolate...

- I will put on weight (practical)

- I won't be healthy (practical)

- I have no self-control (judgement)

- I'm an undisciplined person (judgement)

The should, shouldn't and ifs that drive us are unique. Many of them are less obvious than these examples, they're deeply unconscious and they have a profound effect on the way we live life. Through hundreds of coaching conversations, I get to help people discover, question and change these sneaky little beliefs that creep into their lives. Here are some more subtle examples:

- I should keep working until the job is done

- I should do a perfect job of...

- I should finish reading this book

- I should be able to do this on my own/I shouldn't ask for help

- I should get the highest grade

- I shouldn't receive negative feedback

- I shouldn't ever be disorganised

The associated ifs relate to how we believe people will judge us, how we judge ourselves or how we’ll be unable to achieve our goals if we contradict them. 

But here's the thing - these shoulds and shouldn't just make us unhappy, they restrict us, they hold us back, they cause us to feel negatively towards ourselves. And the real kicker: most of the ifs are total codswallop!!

They're purely subjective; based on beliefs we created as a result of our experiences throughout life and how we think the world works. 

Letting go of your shoulds and shouldn'ts will set you free. Learning to spot them takes practice, but when you do notice yourself thinking I should or shouldn't do this, replace that thought with this: I could do this, but what would serve me best?

Swap the should for could and consider your options, consciously.

The older I get and the more I study life and happiness and psychology, the less I impose should and shouldn't on myself... next week I’ll share with you how I contradict popular shoulds and shouldn'ts and how this allows me to be happy, successful and free!

Discover the shoulds and shouldn'ts that rule YOUR life and learn how to overcome them...

You can spend 10 years working on these things as I did or you can transform your beliefs in less than 3 months - the choice is yours ;)

Subscribe to Work-Life Harmony Wednesdays  to receive a free weekly email that will help you live a more healthy, balanced and fulfilling life.